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Is Your Head in The Clouds? Most of us, much of the time use words (either in our own thoughts or in conversation with others) that are fluff words: words having no clearly grounded meaning. Our head is in the clouds without our knowing it. This is much worse than knowing that our head is in the clouds! The havoc this plays with our life is incalculable. I notice a common use of fluff words among my friends here in Shanghai. Often they will ask me, do you think it is a "good" thing? Good and bad, as we use these words most of the time, are almost always ungrounded. I usually ask them the question, "What evidence would you need in order to know whether or not something was good or bad?" Predictably, they cannot provide me with any clear evidence. Perhaps they are just asking me, "Will you approve of me if I do this?" If they would ask the question this way, it would be grounded. You might think to yourself, "But do fluff words really cause that much damage in our lives?" Yes, they do. They run our lives, boxing us in and shutting down our happiness and vitality. Let me list some words that we often use without grounding and that essentially signify nothing (but are often used to garner approval or disapproval for the person who speaks them). For each of these words, ask yourself, "How often do I use this word (in thought or conversation) either inaccurately or when I am not clear with myself about the grounded meaning of this word?" For each of these words also ask yourself this question, "What evidence would I need in order to know whether or not something was (fill in the word) or was not (fill in the word)?" afford/not afford, always/never, appropriate/inappropriate/ proper/improper, because/make/made, best/better/good/ bad/worse/worst/right/wrong, believe/not believe, braggart, busy/lazy, comfortable/uncomfortable, committed/not committed, concerned/not concerned, deserving/not deserving, destiny/fate/God's will, easy/difficult/ hard/struggle/tough, ego/egoist/self-centered, excuse, failure/success, fair/unfair/just/unjust, forgiving/not forgiving, giver/taker, goal/deadline, God/Satan/devil, good enough/ not good enough, have a right to/don't have a right to, hope/hopeless, important/unimportant, independent, integrity/keeping your word, justification, love/unconditional love/true love, loyal/disloyal, manipulation, maybe/perhaps, moral/immoral, must/have to, natural/unnatural, necessary/not necessary, need, okay/ not okay, overcome, overwhelm, patience/impatience, permission, perseverance, politics, practical/impractical, racism, ready/not ready, rejection, responsible/irresponsible, selfish/unselfish, sexist, should/shouldn't, sin, someday/sometime/somehow, supposed to/ ought/not supposed to/ought not, toleration, trust/betrayal, try, wasteful, weak/strong, worthy/not worthy, would have/could have/should have Believing in fluff words (while not knowing they are fluff words) amounts to believing in good and bad spirits or being controlled by a superstition. Choose the fluff word that creates the most damage in your life and begin to notice when it uses you. Fluff words typically provide us with an immediate feeling of safety and security. Notice the choice of courage it takes to begin to question and re-examine the fluff words that use you. ? Vague and mysterious forms of speech, and abuse of language, have so long passed for mysteries of science; and hard or misapplied words with little or no meaning have, by prescription, such a right to be mistaken for deep learning and height of speculation, that it will not be easy to persuade either those who speak or those who hear them, that they are but the covers of ignorance and hindrance of true knowledge. - John Locke (1632-1704, British philosopher)
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